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Connect & Grow Magazine: Issue 14 October - November 2024
Social gatherings? Love them or hate them?
As an extravert* myself, I love them. Even so, there are still times when I don’t feel totally comfortable. And I appreciate that this is not an easy situation for others either. Here are 3 tips I use to make going to social gatherings easier:
1. Assume that everyone’s friendly
Give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Be optimistic and assume that everyone wants to be friendly and nice. Not everyone will have the same level of social skills but assume that a smile and genuine intent to build a friendly connection is usually met with a response in kind. If not, excuse yourself from the conversation and find someone else who can.
Relax. Be yourself. Don’t try hard to impress others. You may find yourself out of your depth. People can usually tell a phony. And frankly, it’s stressful trying to be something you’re not.
1. Be open and curious
Adopt an open and curious mindset. Be interested in learning about other people and their perspectives. People generally like to talk about themselves or things that they’re passionate about.
Keep the atmosphere friendly. Ask open-ended questions. Perhaps have some prepared conversation starters like:
Who else do you know here?
Have you been here before? What’s it like?
What team do you follow?
What show are you watching right now?
Have you got any pets?
Follow wherever the conversation takes you. Try to learn something new about the other person. And remember, this is not a job interview, interrogation, or trolling for personal information like their mother’s maiden name, first street address, or first pet name.
Have fun getting to know others.
2. Set yourself up for success and have opt-out strategies
Do a little research or preparation beforehand. Work out what you can do ahead of time to help you feel more comfortable while you’re there. If possible, get involved in the event planning to support this.
Set yourself up with some support while you’re there. Bring along a friend (like a ‘wingman’) or find another ally who has also been invited. Engage in an activity to reduce conversation time (for instance, play at a pool table if they have one). For family dinners, I bring along playing cards so we can play while we’re waiting for the food to arrive.
Create exit strategies. If you feel uncomfortable, excuse yourself and go to the bathroom, get a drink or food, or find your ‘wingman’ support person. Take this as an opportunity to pause and take in a few mindful, deep breaths to regroup. Re-enter the group when you feel safe and start again. In the worst-case scenario, find an appropriate time to leave.
Social gatherings can be tricky. But it’s a lot easier when you set out with an optimistic attitude that people are generally friendly, open and curious about learning about others, and find ways to support yourself for success—wishing you all the best for your next social engagement.
*Note that extraversion doesn’t mean that you like to talk a lot. It’s more about where you get your energy from. That is, extroverts get energised being around other people, and introverts get their energy in their own company. Extraversion and introversion are on a continuum. It doesn’t mean that introverts don’t like to be around others, nor that extroverts don’t benefit from some quiet, reflective time. Ultimately, it’s about self-awareness and understanding what energises you and in what context.
Written by Natalia Walker
Natalia is available for consultations.
Email: natalia@innercreative.com.au
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(C) Break Free Consultancy 2024
Disclaimer: All information is accurate at the time of publication and subject to change.